To be continued...

It is not the end; in fact, it is only the beginning of the journey.

Photo: http://www.winnipeglovehate.com/

Evil Stepmother

It is not school and working part time that has been consuming all my time. Longer than I have been in school we have also been fighting a court battle over the estate of my late father. The evil stepmother description fits this situation well. His estate that was put in trust, then disappeared and she is refusing court orders to provide an accounting and hiding facts. The longer she can drag this out and cost us money, the more she thinks we will disappear. Not going to happen, but that is how she deals with problems.

The problem is it involves 3 states and jurisdictions. I have gone to Oregon several times and tomorrow when I should be putting the final additions on a research paper for submission, and preparing for tests, instead I will be flying to Nevada for a 9am court appearance. Next week back to Oregon for another hearing. These are the frustration I would love to blog about and get out of my head, but then again I become more hesitant of who is reading this and giving details about our case.

Life pulls us all in multiple directions and tests us regularly, hopefully this is just another life lesson.

Fork in the Road

I drive by this sign often and sometimes wonder if I should just stay in the other lane today.

Kind of like life and the decisions we make, it is not about looking back, but more about going forward.

So often I do not post now because I use Google Docs, Gmail, Blogger, Google + and have a YouTube account. Actually, Google has well over a hundred products that they have decided to tie together, which makes it easy to figure out who you are. Therefore, like many bloggers if I cannot say things because others know me, so I am debating if blogger is not the right tool to keep using.    

Death

This ran through my head as I heard just ONE of the new fully armed F35 fighters would cost $184,000,000 dollars.  

Wars that cost trillions of dollars a year to operate.

Military machines and weapons that cost billions of dollars a year to build and they sit waiting to do their jobs.

Death row inmates costing $257,000 a yr to lodge, feed, supervise and supply medical and dental care.

So much money in this world is consumed by governments with the ultimate outcome of death.

Is it any different when patients are denied coverage of new and more expensive treatments, only because health insurance and pharmaceutical companies think about money to owners, stockholders and board members first. Experimental drugs and treatment are denied daily, that is unless you have money.  Research is pretty conclusive that has shown the more affluent you are, the better your health care and access. Not just in the States, but worldwide. 

Saving our loved ones and providing the best care possible should be worth more than a plane, bomb or even one of those tires off of a 184 billion dollar plane.

Just my little rant.   

A truth be told

This was part of the speech given by Steve Jobs at the commencement ceremony at Stanford in 2005, and it was after he was diagnosed with cancer. It kind of motivated me, especially the second paragraph.


No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don’t want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life’s change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.


Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary

Substance Theory

Being around all these students and with the majority of them women, this has its pros and cons. I am reminded of something a co-worker said to me about 10 years ago. While asking me about an acquaintance one morning she said, you won't be happy with her, you need someone with substance. She didn’t go into detail, but I knew what she meant.

Many guys are content with looking at, fantasizing and dating women strictly based on looks.
Don't get me wrong I like to look at beautiful women too. Honestly though, there is something about a woman who can hold an intelligence conversation and has a passion for something in life, besides herself. To me that makes a woman ten times more attractive.  Now that does not mean she needs degrees or a high IQ, she just needs to have some substance, if you know what I mean.



Finally

Finally school is starting tomorrow, well at least orientation for new grad students will be tomorrow. Because I really need something different to focus on outside of the generalized bullshit and daily activities that have been going on around me. Ten years ago I never would have thought it, but I am actually looking forward to learning and filling my head with subjects like physical examinations, psychiatry and advanced pathophysiology.

"The Best Laid Plans of Mice and Men"

When school ended, I thought I would be smart and make myself available whenever they needed me to pick up as many shifts as possible. I knew that once school resumed in September the last thing I would feel like doing is working most weekends.

Well the idea might have sounded good two months ago, but now they are calling almost every day. In most situations this would be fine, however, now I’m tired of working with patients. Well, it’s not so much the patients, because only a few are the ones who suck your motivation and energy, like the government has sucked the confidence out of the American people. It is more the unit politics and certain staff that make for difficult shifts. You learn quickly who the team players are; they jump in and help when it’s needed. While some are never available, that is unless they need you.

The money helps, but being burned out before school and clinicals even start is not a good idea. So how much is the lottery up to?

Gratuitous cute mouse picture 

You're So Vain *

Information is starting to arrive for the graduate program and I am excited and scared at the same time. Even though tuition and books are relatively expensive, it does not register as a negative because it is part of my end goal. It also looks like there will be no rest as clinicals start right away in the first quarter. Among this information, there was a list of 10 names, along with that of an instructor; these are the people will form my clinical group.

As NP students, I know we will be practicing in many forms including sim labs, the real world and on each other. However, for some reason as I read that we will be practicing full physical exams on each other (Minus genital, breast and rectal exams), I felt a little self-conscious. Reading over the names in my clinical group, I notice that I am the only male listed. Now call me crazy because one of the reasons I like nursing is getting to work with mostly women, but that was not the issue.

The issue was the vain thought that crossed my mind of needing to lose 5-10 lbs by the time my peers started poking and prodding me in September. Maybe I have been working around women too long, because my mechanic would never think that.


*Thanks Carly Simon for the post title.

Stop Making Excuses

So tired of some people and their excuses, including some patients and even one of my family members.

In reality, we all make half-assed excuses for things like not eating well or exercising enough. However, some people just seem to have excuses for everything.

Look at these two women who have been in the news lately and should be role models for people living their lives without excuses.

Jaycee Dugard, was kidnapped, mentally tortured and sexually assaulted for 18 years from the time she was 11 years old.

Elizabeth Smart, was kidnapped and mentally tortured for 9 months, when she was 14 years old.

When their ordeals ended these two amazing women did not make excuses and say “poor me” my life is ruined because of someone else’s actions. They moved forward and are living life to its fullest and not letting past circumstances dictate how they live in their future.

Most of us know individuals who blame family, friends, the government and history for all their problems. Instead of spending energy moving forward in life and bettering themselves, they make excuses as to why it is everybody else's fault. So blame or make excuses if it makes you feel better, but chances are until you realize it is you have control, things will not change.

How to Blog

A friend will be starting nursing school this fall and after reading about so many other people's journeys back into school. I thought she should document hers as well. So what kind of advice would you give a new blogger, or an old blogger for that matter?

Let’s face it school, work and life can be stressful. Some bloggers including myself believe blogging is beneficial to relieving some of that stress and providing a way to process all of the positive and negative emotions. Reading other people’s experiences and insight may also help because they have been through it.

Personally, I would say there is no right or wrong way to blog, just start writing and your style will develop. Everyone is different in what they like to read, so at first write for yourself and not what you think other people want to read. You are not writing an academic paper to be graded, so enjoy yourself. Although, I have noticed that bloggers seem to have better writing skills than most. ( Maybe not mine)

Some people want others to read their blog, while others do not care because they are writing for themselves. There is a follower’s widget and by following someone, they may follow you. However, the best advice I can give to gain followers is not my own, you have to click here and read this older post by Red Means Go. She is a fun read and does not take herself too seriously. With over 2200 followers, she understands that followers do not equal readers.


The blog roll is something I’m indecisive about and always changing mine and playing around. However, it is good to look at other people’s blog links and click on them, because you might find other blogs that you really like.

People can be very creative with their blog templates, while others like mine are somewhat boring. I really need a change. So play around with the backgrounds and layouts.

Then she needs to decide whether to be anonymous or use her real name. Privacy is a big thing in health care and if you make accusations, bitch or say something negative about a patient, staff member or the facility, it can come back to bite you.

Any other ideas or advice?

Goodwill Deal?

There is a Goodwill store on the way home from school, so yesterday I took a tour looking for any deals. Although, in my annual visit I never seem to find anything, and I am not interested in owning other people's dishes or wearing their clothes. I get enough second hand stuff at work from patients, like advice and body fluids

There on the shelf at Goodwill sits an incentive spirometer, why would someone donate that and why did Goodwill not throw it away? I understand wheelchairs, walkers and maybe a commode, but trying to sell an incentive spirometer for $2.99. Do people even know what the hell it is or how to use it? Do they understand that someone sick enough to be in the hospital also had their lips wrapped around it. I like a bargain, but I think I will stick to Target.



Things work out

It feels like things are finally starting to fall into place, in the academic world anyway. The bachelor’s degree will be done next month and the acceptance letter to start the graduate program in September has been confirmed. In addition, there is financial seminar next weekend, to learning where the money is coming from, one stress I do not want to deal with.


Even though my finals and papers are coming due, graduate school is right around the corner, my sisters and I are starting a lawsuit against our stepmother and I have no health insurance, my stress level is really low right now.

Maybe it is time to start dating again after a self-imposed hiatus, or go visit some distant family to ratchet up the stress and release of some cortisol.

A Real Mother's Day

What would every mother like for Mother’s Day, maybe a complete and professional makeover of her hair and makeup?

Well, that is what happened in the city yesterday to 25 women, but these women were not part of a win a makeover for your Mother on Mother's day contest.

No, these 25 Mothers called one of the local shelters home and next week they will be receiving job training and interview skills. When you have children, the last place you plan to call home is a shelter. Therefore, although I wish all mothers a happy mother’s day, I wish these ones a little bit more of one.

Attitude

I've been stressed lately and there is no reason for it, because life is good. Even though I have this quote by Charles Swindoll stuck on my fridge as a reminder of how important attitude is, sometimes I forget.

The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life.

Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home.


The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude... I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.


And so it is with you... we are in charge of our attitudes

-Charles R. Swindoll

Eeyore needs Prozac

Your mind wanders when you're doing research papers for hours on end, and I thought about how as a child I had a stuffed Pooh and Eeyore, and I always liked Eeyore the best. However, these days I'm surprised they haven't said Eeyore is not a good toy for children because he suffers from depression.



  Then again maybe Pooh's inability to stay focused and he would be diagnosed with ADHD and they would recommend Ritalin or Adderall.



Why does Jesus hate religion?

 Last visit home I saw this sign and had to take a picture. I'm more spiritual than religious and I don't know why Jesus hates religion, but I think it has something to do with the people who preach the word in order to profit from it. I can understand that and actually commend this church for putting it out there.

Many independent studies have shown the benefits of prayer, religion, spirituality, faith or whatever cultural practices you believe in, do in fact help in the healing process.  

Big Island



I love the large metropolitan area where I live now with its diverse cultures and endless things to do. But like most big cities it can be hectic and sometimes I think it would be nice to live somewhere a little slower, so to speak.

A few years ago I spent a couple weeks on the big island of Hawaii and really enjoyed it. Because it was a relatives place instead of a hotel, I got more of a feeling for the community. It also helped that it was a vacation to relax, never becoming more stressful than snorkeling with spinner dolphins and turtles, a helicopter ride or hiking volcano national park.

Even though it is bigger than all the other islands combined and I love being near the water, I imagined it would become too small and claustrophobic of a place to live permanently and too far away from family and friends.
However, there might be something to just leaving it all behind after graduation and working in a less stressful location, for a few years anyway.

Broken System

Reading the news before I head off for an 11am shift, I love that shift because I can sleep in, but I see that Blue Shield of California is seeking a 59% rate increase in health insurance premiums. This has nothing to do with any new health care laws, it is because they are a private company and need to show a profit to the stockholders, and other companies across the country are trying to raise their rates as well.

My opinions are biased on this subject and there is not enough time to express them before work, but I will later. Our system is broken, not necessarily the care available, but our system.
When I tell both patients and people I meet that I am a nurse, but I do not have health care they are shocked.
Then I explain about being in school full time and working per diem at the hospital and that I can't afford it. My best health insurance now is eating right and being careful. If something happens and I need a hospital stay or even a visit to the doctor, I'm screwed.
It's a right to own a gun in this country, but not a right to have basic primary health care, and to those thinking anyone can use the emergency department when needed, they need a reality check because that is not primary health care.

1-1-11

Greed from corporations, banks and individuals caused hardships and pain to a large percentage of the population.

Individuals in the name of hate attacked innocent people around the world.

A global recession widened the gap between the wealthiest and the rest of us

Inadequate and non-existent health care for citizens of the richest country in the world only reinforced the centuries old gradient of health and wealth.

What I truly hope as we enter 2011 is that during the past year and especially the past decade, people have started realizing that we are all in the same boat and nobody stands alone. We need to be helping each other and not be taking advantage of each other.